Coronavirus: A new normal?

Editor’s Note: This is the fourth installment of “Our Stories,” a new WOW Dems series dedicated to telling personal stories related to the critical issues of our time – beginning with the COVID-19 crisis. This story comes from a McKinney woman adjusting to the difficulty of having her father in an assisted living facility during this pandemic. Share your personal story at communications@wowdems.org.

My Covid-19 story begins with my 89-year-old father breaking his hip last year in Arizona and moving to an assisted living facility near me in McKinney. After 30 years of not living near each other, we both worked hard to navigate a new normal and find a meaningful life for Dad within his capabilities that was also sustainable for my husband and myself. He had several inconvenient but non-fatal health issues over the holidays and we navigated those together. We worked on the sign delivery team for a recent campaign and had such joyous times, driving from one end of Collin County to the other, ending with lunch and beer. I felt like we had finally achieved a good balance in both of our lives. It’s hard to believe that just a couple months ago, we were so carefree!!!

As the Covid-19 crisis has unfolded, I’ve learned a lot about how interconnected we all truly are. The assisted living community has been phenomenal in gradually and thoughtfully implementing the required isolation while considering the needs of each resident. They worked collaboratively with me to balance my Dad’s need for socialization (without which his inevitable mental decline will happen more quickly) and the safety of Dad, my family, and the facility’s entire community of at-risk individuals. We were so fortunate that for a few weeks, Dad was allowed to come here and visit as long as my husband and I maintained our extreme self-isolation. My personal struggle was how to continuously balance everyone’s needs and keep another adult safe. I’ve learned that it’s very different to keep an adult safe than it is to keep a child safe. My brother and I, in conjunction with my Dad, made the decision to keep him in assisted living rather than bringing him into my home. At the facility, his medicines are delivered straight to him and managed by the community, his doctor sees him there, the facility has access to and is adhering to the proper protocols, and – most importantly – his little apartment, with its patio/courtyard, has become his safe place.

About a month ago, after my husband had an unavoidable doctor’s appointment, I made the difficult decision to no longer bring my Dad to my home for visits. While the risk to him was small and we are otherwise maintaining our self-isolation, there was still some avoidable risk to him and to his community and the consequences would be a 14-day quarantine in his apartment. That was a risk I was unwilling to take on his behalf. He’s dealing with the situation, but would be happier if he could come here for lunch occasionally. For me, this felt like the safe decision, but not the comfortable decision, and I cried for my Dad and for myself. I talk to my Dad every day on the phone and am able to drop off snacks and reading material for him. We also managed to arrange it so that he can have a beer every evening and the weather has permitted him to be on his private patio most days. I still worry about transmission of Covid-19 in assisted living; however, they have been diligent in taking every precaution.

My story doesn’t involve any real physical hardship and I understand how lucky my family is to have what we need. We are retired, so we’re not missing out on work and income. We tend to stock up on things, so we have enough. We have doctors and insurance and all of those things. My heart breaks for those who don’t and we are doing our best to support local businesses.

My story is about the lessons that can be learned from our situation. We are all interconnected even if we can’t be together. We must act not only in our own best interests, but with understanding that our actions have an immediate impact on others. If we work together for the common good, the best possible decisions can be made. Consideration and caring make bad situations tolerable. The need to feel safe and to keep our loved ones safe is deeply ingrained in our humanity but, unfortunately, not usually considered until it is threatened.

As with all of us, the last chapter of My Story is yet to be written. THANK YOU for providing a place to share my story as it is right now.

– Karen Hearne, McKinney